February 19 – March 20

“Her panties all but dissolved in his grip.”
-Tom Robbins
Enjoy that Chinese water torture–drip drip…

January 20 – February 18

“She felt like a street in the French Revolution.”
-Tom Robbins
Savor the crushing weight of it…

December 22 – January 19

“… like a fruit so swollen with juice it moans for the prick of the knife.”
-Tom Robbins
Cut your own heart out or feast on an enemy….

November 22 – December 21

“Do you think dynamite can make the world a better place?”
-Tom Robbins
Daemon mode demolition or…

October 23 – November 21

“Albert Camus wrote that the only serious question is whether to kill yourself or not.”
-Tom Robbins
Choose wisely and don’t take it all too seriously…

September 23 – October 22

Life is like a stew, you have to stir it frequently, or all the scum rises to the top.”
-Tom Robbins
Lick it off like a yogurt lid, then shake…

August 23 – September 22

“Outlaws are can openers in the supermarket of life.”
-Tom Robbins
Crank it until the crumbs of chaos crack you open…

July 23 – August 22

“Did you really expect me to keep my sense after taking a look at your hair?”
-Tom Robbins
May that frizzy nightmare forever haunt your vanity mirror dear Dorian…

June 22 – July 22

“The sheepish expression of the premature ejaculator crossed his face.”
-Tom Robbins
Be bold and be prepared to come over and over little lamb…

May 21 – June 21

They were floating in that blissful phase that characterizes religious transcendence and the onset of alcohol poisoning.
-Tom Robbins
Don’t forget which one you went to drown in…

April 20 – May 20

“The men you’ve been with probably wouldn’t kiss your nipples correctly for fear they’d suck in some pesticide.”
-Tom Robbins
Grab your own nipples and start twist…

March 21 – April 19

“Imagine awakening to find the moon flat on its face on the bathroom floor, like the late Elvis Presley poisoned by banana splits.”
-Tom Robbins
Follow your own poison path or split open like that banana…