i want to say everything, so I say nothing.
cyber communication has always felt foreign to me. i like to be in a person’s energetic space. they say road rage primarily exists because we cannot see and read the other human while it is going on. when you bump into somebody walking down the street there are clear non-verbal signs of apology or intention.
machines and men the question of our age perhaps?
i constantly have era envy, i’m working on quitting that habit… i think that’s why i like being present, it’s primal. to read the whole human while you interact with them. otherwise it’s like sending your heart and thoughts out into the ethers and holding your breath.
is that going to land where i want it to land? can they gauge my tone? was I clear?
i have such messy emotions… chaos magick or nothing at all. astrology charts are like diving into whole other worlds. i love the endless potential of stories they tell me.
but i still have writing blocks around it. when someone is sitting in front of me what I see leaks out of me endlessly. i can talk for hours about the signatures, the lessons, the possibilities… the written word is so final, so concrete. so edited, even when i try not to.
the magical practice i follow mostly deals with the laws of synchronicity. what patterns are showing up, and what does that say about my current inner nature?
a client requesting a relationship reading showed up and both had venus conjunct pluto
i’m really chewing the fat of this one. it is a complex archetype… one I share. and a hard signature to unpack in our culture. it is about power dynamics in love. it is about passion, jealousy, anger, revenge. it is linked to all things considered taboo.
it speaks to the necessity for ugly truth and being soul naked… to feel seen warts and all and still be loved. it is about the power of choice, to feel picked. in a sea of infinite options, I choose to love you type of feeling.
but the paradox is that it is growth oriented. the emotional belly of the beast that hungers for more as a natural force of evolutionary appetite. to understand your own power, you must go to extremes. this archetype can be cruel when it feels its growth infringed upon. in intimate partnership it speaks to needing someone who can grow with you. to do that, each partner must feel comfortable speaking their truth. yet culturally we are taught that certain sexual truths must be hidden otherwise it will cause hurt and rupture.
why is the relationship house in ancient astrology also the house of open enemies?
why is marriage still, statistically, the most dangerous place in the world for a woman to be?
understanding the emotional history of humanity…
who decides what is fair in love and war?
what is the nature of emotional memory vs. mental memory?
what stories do you tell yourself?
which ones do you crystallize and which ones do you delete?
the venus-pluto archetype is vampiric. it is the, if I can’t have you no one else can energy. it is the type of passion that makes people believe there is no safety in sexual relationships. it is conditional love. it is about learning how to embrace the dangers of loving and being vulnerable.
i have always been an advocate for maintaining friendship with exes. for me I think it mostly comes down to I would never they rather be dead. i don’t like the delete button. it is a funny swamp to swim. i attract a lot of judgment for it that I find odd. who knows, I could be the incorrect one, but I refuse to think that the answer lies in learning how to love less…
an old lover spoke to me of the infidelities he had had in his marriage. i understood he needed a place where he felt safe to expose this world destroying truth. a female friend told me I was inappropriate for even having the conversation…but I have found trust is a hard thing to find and we are all just trying to do our best. i didn’t ridicule or judge, instead i helped him unwind his self-loathing and proceed with care.
intention and the thought police, what a force when trying to understand a new sense of morality. if we are a generation that feels reference-less how do we create an emotional future that works for us?